This month marked our first exposure to "The Big Man" of cruise blogging, John Heald. His is not the most erudite writing you'll find about cruising. He doesn't hit the computer keys in perfect English, or even close to it. He doesn't always keep it clean, as they say.
He just has the most readers.
His blogs are more like one long paragraph with a myriad of thoughts strung together, sometimes even connected. He is funny and, we'd heard, even funnier in person.
And it's true.
He talks like he writes…one long paragraph…non-stop…off-color sometimes …funny most of the time. Carnival has either been in love with him or put up with him for a long time. Like 25 years.
"Originally, John [Heald] was a bar waiter [on a Carnival ship] and failed," says the cruise line's President and CEO, Gerry Cahill. "He couldn't get the drinks straight, so we promoted him to cruise director [Heald claims he was an aerobics instructor in between]. And today, he's the best-known cruise director in the industry and the best-known blogger in the industry."
At the time, Heald was presiding over the Carnival Breeze's naming ceremony, as only he can, in Miami. When he paraded two of Godmother Tracy Mourning's 'Honey Bugs' onto the stage to participate as models down his catwalk, he promised them a prize.
"It's a Lamborghini," he told them, then asked: "Do you know what that is?…good, it's a pencil."
To the Godmother, he had a message:
"You are also the Godmother of the ship's 1,300 crew members, Tracy. It is your job to remember their birthdays."
His humor is not always that printable, although he seems to get away with it at John Heald's Blog, which he claims is viewed by something like six million people a month…or three million people twice a month…or five thousand people 1,200 times a month. Whatever, it's a lot.
Obsessed with actor Megan Fox and screen legend James Bond, Heald was the recipient of the original Bond Watch as a thank-you for his 25 years of service to Carnival. Since he was momentarily speechless, Cahill slipped in what Heald's real value is to the cruise line:
"I've seen him with a thousand people who didn't have a clue who he was, and within 15 minutes they were his best friends."
That's big, even for a big man like John Heald.
Ruby Princess
7 nights
January 13, 2013
Fort Lauderdale (return): Princess Cays, St. Maarten, St. Thomas, Grand Turk
Inside: $549
Cost per day: $78
www.princess.com